Where's Dr. House?

I'm not going to talk about politics in this post. The only thing I'll say about that is I learned that it brings out the worst in people. Can't we just agree to disagree? We should love one another and respect one another's opinions if we don't agree with them. Peace an' blessins, peace an' blessins.

Okay, that's all I'm saying about that.

Anyways, we are in Temple right now. I have an appointment at 8:30 tomorrow morning with the neurologist at Scott and White. We went back to the disease specialist this morning to get the blood tests back and everything looked normal and all the tests for infections came back negative. So she believes that this is a neurological problem, nothing disease related. She was very happy that we have an appointment at S&W and that we got in so quickly. I really truly believe that we are in the right spot. However, I'm completely terrified. We don't know what to expect, how long we're gonna be here, or if we'll even get answers! My biggest issue is that I'm constantly suffering with this pain throughout my entire body, and I have to push through each day and try my hardest to act like nothing is wrong because I hate being the Debbie-downer... But sometimes I can't hold it in. Sometimes I'm not strong enough to do that. I just need to stop worrying about what other people will say or think. Every day is a constant battle for me. Yes I'm only taking 9 hours, but please don't look at me and think, "Oh she has no room to complain about being tired and whatnot. She's only taking 9 hours." I'm dealing with a lot behind the scenes, a lot that people don't know about, and not just with my health. Being a neurological related issue, it constricts me from doing a lot, not only mentally (like reading, my eyes focusing, writing, or concentrating during class), but also physically (exercising, Intramurals, and even with some of the Welcome Week activities back in August). The constant pain causes me to lose sleep. I'm not exaggerating when I say it's constant. I really mean its 24/7. Sometimes it's better than others, but I've gotten so used to the pain. The past few weeks have been the worst. Not to mention how it has almost taken all of my social skills. I'm kind of awkward sometimes now. It took everything I had to stay enrolled this semester. I've missed out on so much already, and it's definitely not how I always pictured my freshman year of college going. I'm sorry that this is a somewhat depressing post. But I have a lot on my heart right now. I'm worn out, I'm scared, but I AM sure in that I know God will take care of me and has been by my side through this whole year. I'm just ready for answers, treatment, and being pain free.

The Lesson: No matter what, God has a plan for you and your situation. He will see you through to the end and keep you strong! (1 Corinthians 1:8). You just have to believe that. God sent us here for a reason and I wholeheartedly believe that.

Oh, and if they can't figure it out, we may have to visit Dr House. I feel like he could figure it out in a heart beat.

God is absolutely, incredibly, awesomely, stinkin' amazing.

So tonight I went to the Tenth Avenue North concert at Beltway and it was so amazing. I have been listening to their album the past couple weeks so I'd be familiar with the songs before the concert, but I don't think I truly listened to the words of the songs before tonight. I felt like God was speaking to me through every sentence, every note. The lead singer told a story about how when he was a teenager he was in a car accident and broke his back. He said it was the hardest time of his life and he never thought he would be where he is right now. But through that suffering he became the person he is today. That story just made me think about my situation, and I felt like he was speaking straight to me. One song that really spoke to me was a song called Worn.

Worn
I'm tired
I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing

I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

And my prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn even before the day begins
I'm worn I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn so heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Yes all that's dead inside will be reborn
Though I'm worn
Yeah I'm worn

The Lesson: It pretty much describes how I'm feeling and have been feeling the past year. But you know what? God's there and He can mend my heart and give me the strength to keep going. After hearing tonight's concert, I actually have peace in my heart. Seriously. I've said that before, but I've never truly felt it so much as I do tonight. This concert couldn't have come at a better time. I mean, it's called "The Struggle." It was perfect timing. It was just amazing. I'm speechless and in awe of God's amazing power and love! I learned that God has a reason for everything, and I really think that he put me at that concert for a reason. I'm finally at peace with everything, and I feel like a huge rock has been lifted off my shoulders.

Be thankful in all circumstances

Well, it's November! A time to be thankful. Really, we should always be thankful. But I think November is just a time to express it more and focus solely on thanking God for what we have.

Anyway, yesterday I was reminded how thankful I am to have had the opportunity to go to a Christian high school. Specifically, Abilene Christian High School. Yesterday was their homecoming and the big unveiling of the new gym. It felt weird to not be participating in anything, but the gym looks great and everybody did amazing! I am just so thankful that I was able to go to ACS and be a part of that community. I had so many people come up and ask how I've been, how I'm feeling, and what's been going on. It reminded me how blessed I am to know such amazing people and how great the faculty and staff at ACS are. Regardless of what's going on in my life, I know that they will always be there to ask how I'm doing and want to stay updated on my life.

So, the lesson: thank you, God, for blessing me with the chance to have some amazing teachers and friends at ACS. Thank you for giving me the chance to go there and grow in my relationships. I can't even begin to name everyone who has blessed my life there!

Not making any Limeade, sorry!

Um, so, change of plans. We went to the infectious disease doctor today and found out that the test they did for Lyme Disease came back false positive. So I don't have Lyme Disease. I do have SOME sort of infection, it's just not Lyme. So they took some blood (TEN vials of it) and they are going to run tests that they haven't run yet and see what comes back next week. Regardless of what the tests come back, I think we are going to go to Scott and White in Temple and stay there for 4-5 days to just run test after test so they can really figure out what's going on, and do it in all at one time.

We are all just really frustrated and tired and annoyed more than anything. It's not that we moved backwards, but we didn't move as forward as we were thinking we were going to. Just pray that the blood tests come back and that we are able to get into S&W and just get this all over with!

The lesson: don't pray for patience.

I am so beyond blessed.

I have the best family, friends, school, teachers, doctor, and God possible. Random phone calls, text messages, Facebook posts, emails, and blessings have kept me going the past couple weeks. I miss seeing my friends every day, and I cannot wait to see everybody when I get back to the dorm! My teachers have been beyond understanding and patient with me, and I couldn't have gotten into better classes! I'm so happy I'm able to stay in school this semester, even though I had to drop two of my classes. Hopefully I'll start treatment soon, and be able to live a normal life again.

So what have I learned and keep learning every day?

The lesson: I am blessed. VERY blessed.

"When God gives you Lyme, make Limeade!"

Well, I would just LOVE to punch some doctors in the face.

To my first doctor who told me, "You're just a lazy teenager and you need to take care of yourself better. There's nothing wrong with you other than that." 
To the neurologist who told me, "There's no way you have Lyme Disease. These two lesions are completely normal and most people get one every decade. We don't even have Lyme Disease in this area. Have you thought about it being migraines? [No DUH]. You have a lot of the same symptoms. I believe you just have migraines."

I TOLD YOU SO.

It's so weird to be happy about something like this, but to finally have an answer is a blessing from God! We've known all along that there has been something there, and we've tried everything but just never found an answer. We thought it was Occipital Neuralgia, and I was treated for it for a long time. We tested for Lyme back in April when I had my spinal tap but it came back negative. When you test for Lyme, it takes a couple tests before it can come back positive. It will come back positive if you test over 1.1, and I was 2.2. Thankfully this disease is something that is curable and treatable. I'll begin treatment hopefully tomorrow and it'll be a 14-28 day infusion treatment and I'll have to have a pick-line put in (which is not what I'm too excited about but hey it's okay if it makes me feel better!).

The lesson: God will keep you strong to the end. We have almost reached the end, and I am just so thankful for answers. I'm just still in disbelief that this is what has caused my suffering this whole year. After so many horrible doctors visits, misdiagnoses, hospital stays, ER visits, shots, MRIs, a spinal tap, CT Scan, and times at home, I thought we would never figure it out!

I'm just so happy for answers.. PRAISE GOD :)


Oh, to explain the title, it's what my granddad told my mom whenever she told him that I had Lyme Disease. Haha!

Sometimes life just doesn't make sense...

I'm just about ready to give up on doctors.
Not really. But seriously.

As you know, I had my neurologist appointment this morning with a new neurologist. We were hoping for some answers, possibly results. We weren't expecting much, but we were hoping for at least something. Let's just say we didn't get anything. We got nothing. Nothing but more confusion and disappointment. He was not what we expected.

So, we have decided we must move on from Abilene and the doctors here. Dr. Watts has been incredible and he's taken great care of me the past couple months. He believes we need to go to somewhere in Dallas or Lubbock, to a hospital where we can run test after test to find the answers we've been so desperately searching for since January.

Romans 12:12, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

James 1:2-3. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."


The lesson: I may not know why this is all happening, and why nothing is going my way right now, but I'll know some day. And some day I'll be able to share my story with somebody and help them through a tough situation similar to mine. All I ask is for you to pray that we find answers. I ask that the right doctor will come in our path and we will be able to diagnose the problem and I can move on with my life. I'm ready to live again, and I'm ready to have fun and be a crazy college kid without making myself miserable in the process.