I'm not good at doing things on time...

So, it's the middle of October and I'm just now starting this blog. Some may say it's too late. I say it's never too late.


I have been writing and rewriting this blog post a million times. Maybe not a million, but definitely more than just a few. I just don't know how to describe this past year. I hope this all makes sense, I took some major pain medicine earlier this morning and I just hope I don't sound crazy. Anyways, I've lost so much, and I regret so much. But I can't change the past, I can only hope for the best for the future.

I just want to share my story.

Senior year started out great. I had great friends and I was healthy. I went running every night and it kept me in a great mood. I was making great grades and I was involved in the production of Into the Woods that our theatre department put on. I sang for choir, One Voice, All-Region, and figured out that I definitely did not want to be an elementary education major after writing my research paper. I went to every football game and supported my boys and even watched them win STATE. I was student body president and I had the best student council EVER. I was in yearbook and got to practice my Graphic Design! I was nominated for homecoming queen and dressed up as Waldo for Halloween. Celebrated Christmas with the family, and had a great New Year's!

I really did think that 2012 was going to be the end of the world. Not really, but it sure felt like it. I just got really sick all of the sudden. They diagnosed me with Occipital Neuralgia, which is nerve damage. After that, everything seemed to be falling apart. I couldn't exercise anymore, my grades dropped because I missed so much school (I made my FIRST C ever...). Even though I got the solo I wanted in One Voice, I was so sick and tired, my voice was lost and I ruined the song. I couldn't do it. All I wanted to do was prove that I could do it, but I embarrassed myself and did not think I would be able to do it for the concert. I felt like such a failure. My situation even affected my relationships with my friends and those around me. I felt distant from them, and I felt like there was nothing I could do about it. I didn't understand why I was being pushed away, and why I was pushing them away. My whole life changed and I felt so alone.

Then, on one of the many nights that I couldn't sleep, I was looking at my Bible app on my phone and saw the verse of the day. It said, "He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 1:8." That verse has stuck with me every day since. It was the cliche "light bulb moment". Did any of this really matter? Yes, grades matter, but does being in Top 5? Yes, extracurriculars matter, but does having that awesome solo? Yes, those friendships do matter, but your real friends will be there no matter what, and that is what you need to focus on. To remind myself of this, I got '1 Corinthians 1:8' tattooed on my left wrist. That way, every time I see it, I know that God will keep me strong till the end.

I thought that graduating was the end of my suffering. I graduated number four in my class and I was able to introduce the awesome speakers at graduation: my parents. I even made the senior video with the help of the beautiful Beth Cummings! My design for the yearbook cover was even chosen! My broken friendships were somewhat repaired, and the senior trip was so relaxing. The senior prank was so much fun (sticky-noting the locker room), and I never thought I would spend the night up at the school, sitting outside listening to Clint and Reilly play guitar, or go to McDonalds at 4 in the morning. It was great, and I was happy.

Summer came, and I got the chance to teach a class at Encounter with my dad (Encounter is a summer camp at Lubbock Christian University, kind of like Kadesh at ACU). The class was called Total Blackout. If you haven't seen the TV show, basically it tests you to overcome your fears. We did three classes a day, and in each one, three people were selected to be blindfolded and led into the dark room, where they are led to a table with three buckets. They must figure out what it is in the buckets using only their sense of smell, touch, and taste. It was disgusting, I will admit. But the point of the class was that God will show you the light in the darkest of times and will lead you out of that darkness that you are struggling to get out of. I told my story of my greatest fear: the fear of the unknown. I can't stand not knowing things. I'm a very detailed oriented person and I like to know where things will be taking place, who will be there, what time it will be, what we will be doing, and how it'll all be happening. I like to know what my assignments are, when they are due, what we will be studying, and what to expect during the semester. I like to know why somebody is mad at me, or what's wrong with somebody, or even just what's wrong with myself. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to finish that week. Because of my head and body, I had to go home. Once again, my health got in the way of something I had been looking forward to for months.

The rest of my summer was spent doing almost nothing but working. I wasn't able to go on Trek for the second year in a row. I couldn't help with VIP Camp. I couldn't go on the mission trip. BUT (yes, there is a but), I was able to see one of my best friends, my older sister, Megan Cheri Parker, marry the love of her life, Matthew Greenwood. I was so honored to be a part of her wedding and I told myself I would stop at nothing to make sure I was there to help make her special day perfect. And it was. I was so happy for her and it was definitely the best event of my summer!

Then college arrived.

August 13th, 2012, I had brain surgery. Okay it technically wasn't brain surgery, but they did go in and kill one of my nerves (crazy, right?). The next week, I moved into the dorm at ACU (GARDNER!). It was a difficult week, trying to pack everything and recover at the same time. But I did it! Unfortunately, I wasn't able to do everything during Welcome Week, but my group made it fun and easy to get through. I didn't feel alone. I was blessed to have great peer leaders and a great group. But you know who made it the best? My wonderful roommate, Hayley Griffin. I met Hayley the summer before 8th grade at MPulse. We were in the same group. We instantly became friends, and me, her, and Cassie wrote letters to each other throughout the next summer. Hayley and I found each other on Facebook and one day just decided to be roommates. Best decision I ever made. We are like the same person! I'm so blessed to have her as a roommate and best friend! And of course I'm so happy to be at the same school again as my absolute best friends that I've known forever from elementary school, middle school, high school, and church. I'm not even going to try to name them all, because it would take too long. Did I mention the incredible girls on my amazing hall? (G3E! G3E!)

With everything coming together and going great, what could possibly go wrong?
I ask myself that question, and I got the answer.

Last week, I started feeling...funny. Something just didn't feel right. A couple times, I started exercising again. You know, doing yoga, walking on the treadmill, doing the bike, easy stuff like that. I just thought that my body was sore from exercising for the first time in awhile. I was wrong.

Thursday night, I went home to eat dinner with my parents. I told them about how I was feeling, and it all just sort of came out. I had held in my pain for too long and finally it just exploded. We called my doctor and he gave us something to calm me down. My whole body was in pain. The nerve pain that has been in my head since January was now spreading to my arms, my legs, my back, my hands, my feet, every part of my body was in pain. My doctor decided on Friday night to go ahead and admit me to the hospital because it was the easiest and quickest way to figure out what was going on inside my body. They ran so many tests while I was there; 2 MRIs, a CT scan, blood work, etc. Of course, again, they are baffled. What is going on? What is causing my pain? Now they aren't even sure if it is Occipital Neuralgia anymore. So what could it be? What caused the lesion on my brain? Why is my whole body in so much pain right now? Why can't I find any relief? WHAT IS GOING ON?!



I'm at home now, trying to figure out how to finish out this semester. Should I withdraw? Should I just drop a few classes? How am I supposed to make up some of the work if my professors don't respond? There are a lot of decisions I have to make that could affect my education that could possibly put me behind in my degree plan. Oh, and I'm getting behind on chapel credits (Luckily I have 44, but still. I hate missing chapel! Especially praise days). I think the best solution for me is just to switch to part-time student.


We think we may have an answer. It's weird to pray that what I have is a disease, but it's a curable one and I'm okay with that. We believe I may have what is called Lyme Disease. Lyme Disease is caused by a tick bite and can cause a variety of symptoms, such as stiff neck, muscle pain, light-headedness, and a general ill-feeling. If not treated, other symptoms may occur such as paralysis or weakness in the muscles of the face, and muscle pain and pain or swelling in the knees and other large joints. Since I had most of these symptoms, that is why they tested me for Meningitis with a spinal tap back in February, but it came back negative. Seeing as it's been 9 or so months since I could have been bitten by the tick, I would be in Stage 3 of Lyme Disease. If not treated for this long, it can cause long-term complications such as: decreased concentration, memory disorders, nerve damage, numbness, pain, paralysis of the face muscles, sleep disorders, vision problems and unexplained brain lesions. (My neurologist still can't explain where the brain lesion came from. Since she's gone, we still have no idea). What's scary is I have had every single one of those complications at some point this year, and still do. We don't know for sure if this is what I have, but I have an appointment with a neurologist tomorrow morning at 9:00. We aren't sure when the blood tests will come back for Lyme Disease, but we are praying that it comes back soon and that this is what it is. It's curable, and treatable.

This is my story in a nutshell. I pray to God that we can find answers and find some sort of relief. Thank you for reading my story, and joining me in my interesting and roller coaster ride of a journey. Some day I will be able to look back on this year and help somebody through a situation like mine.


The lesson: Life is hard. Life is difficult. Things don't always go the way you want them to. It's not always fair. But God is always good, and He will keep you strong till the end.