I've been thinking long and hard about what the lesson of this year is. If I could describe this year in a nutshell, I would say this: God has a plan for you. No matter what you're going through, He has a plan. This year was pretty traumatic for me. It was very difficult mentally and physically, and I'm still dealing with it. But I got a tattoo of 1 Corinthians 1:8 for a reason. Because "He will keep you strong to the end." And He has. He has given me a great support system. My family, my roommate, my friends, they are all incredible and I know that God put them in my life for a reason: to give me the strength to keep going. 2012 was the year that formed me into who I am. And I'm ready for whatever 2013 has in store for me!
BRING IT ON!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Never underestimate anything
Well, Christmas is over. Sad, sad day! And it's almost the new year, which means this will probably be my last post for this blog. But don't worry, I'm already in the process of designing my Lessons of 2013 blog! I want to end this blog with a very touching story about something that happened to my family this Christmas.
On my mom's side of the family, we decided a couple years ago to do something different instead of giving Christmas presents to everyone. My grandma (or, Gigi, as we call her) thought that we should save our money that we would have used to buy presents and either give that money to a charity or help a family who needs it. Well, as we were sitting in their living room just talking, Gigi brought in a small Christmas tree that had some cards on it. As we opened the cards, we found that there was money inside. My mom looked at my grandma confused, and she explained that my aunt thought that we should be the family that was blessed this year. Of course, we all got teared up and couldn't believe it. I wasn't expecting anything at all, let alone something like this! I just felt so blessed! It was amazing, and I couldn't have asked for anything more. My family is amazing, and I'm so happy to be a part of it.
Thank you, God, for my sweet family! Lesson: Never underestimate the amount of blessings your family can shower upon you.
On my mom's side of the family, we decided a couple years ago to do something different instead of giving Christmas presents to everyone. My grandma (or, Gigi, as we call her) thought that we should save our money that we would have used to buy presents and either give that money to a charity or help a family who needs it. Well, as we were sitting in their living room just talking, Gigi brought in a small Christmas tree that had some cards on it. As we opened the cards, we found that there was money inside. My mom looked at my grandma confused, and she explained that my aunt thought that we should be the family that was blessed this year. Of course, we all got teared up and couldn't believe it. I wasn't expecting anything at all, let alone something like this! I just felt so blessed! It was amazing, and I couldn't have asked for anything more. My family is amazing, and I'm so happy to be a part of it.
Thank you, God, for my sweet family! Lesson: Never underestimate the amount of blessings your family can shower upon you.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Encouragement goes a LONG way!
On Sunday, my mom brought me some Get Well/Encouragement cards from church. They were from Sierra and Rylee Ware, Meghan Bell, Katelyn Goodman, and Jessica Price. I just want to thank them for thinking about me! It means so much to me, more than anyone will ever know, unless they've gone through it as well! It was so sweet of them to think of me. I feel very blessed!
Lesson: Even when you feel like nobody cares, you'd be surprised.
Lesson: Even when you feel like nobody cares, you'd be surprised.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
I am done with my first semester of college!
Ahhhhh! I am done with this semester! I had my first final on Tuesday, which was Core. All I had to do was make a video podcast and turn it in with a script. So it wasn't too bad! I didn't have anything yesterday, so I had my last two finals today. For Art, I had soo many make up assignments! I had to do a stippling sketch, a cross-hatching sketch, a leaf, a drawing inspired by artist Wolf Kahn, a drapery sketch, and then our final was a choice sketch, but it had to have a reflective surface in it. It's a good thing that I love doing this kind of thing! So I went this morning and turned in my final and make up work, and then studied for my Bible final until 2:00! I was really worried about it, but with the curve my professor gave, I made a 73! Which I am VERY proud of considering I had to miss a month and a half or so of school total. I had to drop two classes, but I'm very proud of myself for not dropping out completely for the semester!
I thank God for helping me finish out this semester strong! The lesson: 1 Corinthians 1:8, "He will keep you strong to the end." He has, and He will!
I thank God for helping me finish out this semester strong! The lesson: 1 Corinthians 1:8, "He will keep you strong to the end." He has, and He will!
Monday, December 3, 2012
Let go and let God.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 (TNIV)
It's almost 3:00AM, and I cannot fall asleep. Partly because I slept so much today and partly because I'm in so much pain from my surgery still.
My surgery went well, all the nerves died that were supposed to. Now I'm in recovery stage, which takes about 30-40 days (yeah, ouch). For those of you who don't know, I have Occipital Neuralgia. Back in August, they did a neurotomy on the right side of my head, where they basically kill the right occipital nerve. Well last week I had the same thing done on the left side. The left side was a bit of a fighter after the surgery back in August. Around mid-October, the pain spread to my whole body. (This pain isn't just an achey pain. It's pins and needles, burning, stinging, and aching all at the same time. So you can imagine why we wanted to figure this out as soon as possible). Since then, I've been everywhere diagnosis wise. They thought it could be MS, Lyme disease, migraines (heck no!), we went back and forth with Occipital Neuralgia, and they tested me for literally every disease or infection known to man. I'm not kidding. Once, they took ten viles of blood. TEN. TEN! (Sorry, but I won't be a blood donor for awhile. They've taken enough of my blood!!). Anyways, it's been 4 days since the surgery, and recovery has been tough. After the nerve is destroyed, the area around it basically is just really, really...angry. I really don't know how else to describe it, I mean, my head feels like it's on fire, like a sunburn. But, oddly enough, that's good actually. It means we got the nerve. I got used to it last time, hopefully this time will be the same. This nerve was a piece of work, but we got it. The other nerve didn't grow back thankfully, and we're hoping for the same results! It's very complicated.
Dr. Watts (my pain management doctor) has been amazing to us the past few months. When my neurologist, Dr. Baker, left, I just seriously had no idea what we were going to do. It takes weeks, months actually, to get into a neurologist, especially one who has to take on all of Dr Baker's patients. We really weren't sure where to go! But Paul came into our life soon after and he has been a huge blessing. I never thought a pain management doctor could help with neurological stuff! But I'm so glad we went to him!
And I feel so incredibly blessed by everyone who came to visit me in the hospital this past week, sent me a text, wrote on my Facebook, called and asked my parents how I was doing, and especially, especially I am blessed to have my parents. Without them, I seriously have no idea what I would do. They are amazing. And I just want to thank you for being there for me this year. I seriously have the best friends and family, and even people who I don't know! Hearing that I'm being prayed for in a church that one of my mom's friends goes to, or being prayed for in chapel, it's just such a blessing to me. It just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! And I can't forget to mention my professors and TAs. They have been incredibly patient and caring with me this semester with me being gone so much and missing class. I couldn't have asked for better professors to go through this with. Even though I had to drop to nine hours and take two incompletes, I feel alright school-wise. Well, I mean, I guess as alright as somebody with five kajillion assignments to make up before next semester can be. I just have great professors, and I'm so so so SO blessed to be here at ACU! And I want to thank Tina Fleet and Student Life for taking the time to visit me and sent me flowers and some really comfortable slippers! What other university does that?!
Thank YOU, yes, YOU for walking with me this year.
Tonight, as I lay awake in my bed trying so desperately to fall asleep, I find my Bible and James 1 is the first page I open to. This past year, this past month especially, has been a struggle. I have been tested in so many areas of my life, and I think I'm just now feeling God's hand on my shoulder, and He's saying to me, "I'm in control."
A few weeks ago, I went to the Tenth Avenue North concert with my roommate Hayley and our friend Yvette, and there was this song that really just spoke to me. It took hold of my spirit, and I poured my heart out to God. I mean, I was standing there with my hands held high, crying, and singing along as loud as I could while crying, probably sounding like a dying walrus. But Jesus doesn't care. I never felt so close to Him! I just felt like Jesus was right there beside me, holding his hands up high with me. The song itself is wonderful. I felt like I wrote it. I've never related to a song better than I do with this one. I think I've posted this song before, but here are the lyrics again anyways:
Worn
I'm tired
I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn
I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn
And my prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn even before the day begins
I'm worn I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn so heaven come and flood my eyes
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Yes all that's dead inside will be reborn
Though I'm worn
Yeah I'm worn
I am worn, and I am scarred. But God has mended my heart and my spirit. For the longest time, I wouldn't let God in. I refused. I was angry with Him. I lost friendships that I miss dearly, I missed out on summer activities and I let people down and felt awful for it, and I missed out on so many things my first semester of college because of this. How else am I supposed to feel?
But lately I've changed my perspective. I've realized how truly blessed I am! I have the best family anyone could ask for, I have amazing friends, an awesome roomie, an incredible hall, and great professors at a great university. Sure, my year may have really just sucked. But somehow and somewhere in the future, I'll understand why this all happened. I hope I can use my story to help somebody in their life if they are struggling. My faith is strong right now, and I believe that my trials are over. I feel the love of God rushing through my body, taking away my doubt and my fears. Even though the physical pain is still here, my spirit has never been healthier! Christ is amazing, and I love Him with all my heart.
Wow, this was definitely a ramble post. But hey, it's 3:40AM.
Lesson: Let go, and let GOD.
It's almost 3:00AM, and I cannot fall asleep. Partly because I slept so much today and partly because I'm in so much pain from my surgery still.
My surgery went well, all the nerves died that were supposed to. Now I'm in recovery stage, which takes about 30-40 days (yeah, ouch). For those of you who don't know, I have Occipital Neuralgia. Back in August, they did a neurotomy on the right side of my head, where they basically kill the right occipital nerve. Well last week I had the same thing done on the left side. The left side was a bit of a fighter after the surgery back in August. Around mid-October, the pain spread to my whole body. (This pain isn't just an achey pain. It's pins and needles, burning, stinging, and aching all at the same time. So you can imagine why we wanted to figure this out as soon as possible). Since then, I've been everywhere diagnosis wise. They thought it could be MS, Lyme disease, migraines (heck no!), we went back and forth with Occipital Neuralgia, and they tested me for literally every disease or infection known to man. I'm not kidding. Once, they took ten viles of blood. TEN. TEN! (Sorry, but I won't be a blood donor for awhile. They've taken enough of my blood!!). Anyways, it's been 4 days since the surgery, and recovery has been tough. After the nerve is destroyed, the area around it basically is just really, really...angry. I really don't know how else to describe it, I mean, my head feels like it's on fire, like a sunburn. But, oddly enough, that's good actually. It means we got the nerve. I got used to it last time, hopefully this time will be the same. This nerve was a piece of work, but we got it. The other nerve didn't grow back thankfully, and we're hoping for the same results! It's very complicated.
Dr. Watts (my pain management doctor) has been amazing to us the past few months. When my neurologist, Dr. Baker, left, I just seriously had no idea what we were going to do. It takes weeks, months actually, to get into a neurologist, especially one who has to take on all of Dr Baker's patients. We really weren't sure where to go! But Paul came into our life soon after and he has been a huge blessing. I never thought a pain management doctor could help with neurological stuff! But I'm so glad we went to him!
And I feel so incredibly blessed by everyone who came to visit me in the hospital this past week, sent me a text, wrote on my Facebook, called and asked my parents how I was doing, and especially, especially I am blessed to have my parents. Without them, I seriously have no idea what I would do. They are amazing. And I just want to thank you for being there for me this year. I seriously have the best friends and family, and even people who I don't know! Hearing that I'm being prayed for in a church that one of my mom's friends goes to, or being prayed for in chapel, it's just such a blessing to me. It just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! And I can't forget to mention my professors and TAs. They have been incredibly patient and caring with me this semester with me being gone so much and missing class. I couldn't have asked for better professors to go through this with. Even though I had to drop to nine hours and take two incompletes, I feel alright school-wise. Well, I mean, I guess as alright as somebody with five kajillion assignments to make up before next semester can be. I just have great professors, and I'm so so so SO blessed to be here at ACU! And I want to thank Tina Fleet and Student Life for taking the time to visit me and sent me flowers and some really comfortable slippers! What other university does that?!
Thank YOU, yes, YOU for walking with me this year.
Tonight, as I lay awake in my bed trying so desperately to fall asleep, I find my Bible and James 1 is the first page I open to. This past year, this past month especially, has been a struggle. I have been tested in so many areas of my life, and I think I'm just now feeling God's hand on my shoulder, and He's saying to me, "I'm in control."
A few weeks ago, I went to the Tenth Avenue North concert with my roommate Hayley and our friend Yvette, and there was this song that really just spoke to me. It took hold of my spirit, and I poured my heart out to God. I mean, I was standing there with my hands held high, crying, and singing along as loud as I could while crying, probably sounding like a dying walrus. But Jesus doesn't care. I never felt so close to Him! I just felt like Jesus was right there beside me, holding his hands up high with me. The song itself is wonderful. I felt like I wrote it. I've never related to a song better than I do with this one. I think I've posted this song before, but here are the lyrics again anyways:
Worn
I'm tired
I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn
I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn
And my prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn even before the day begins
I'm worn I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn so heaven come and flood my eyes
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Yes all that's dead inside will be reborn
Though I'm worn
Yeah I'm worn
I am worn, and I am scarred. But God has mended my heart and my spirit. For the longest time, I wouldn't let God in. I refused. I was angry with Him. I lost friendships that I miss dearly, I missed out on summer activities and I let people down and felt awful for it, and I missed out on so many things my first semester of college because of this. How else am I supposed to feel?
But lately I've changed my perspective. I've realized how truly blessed I am! I have the best family anyone could ask for, I have amazing friends, an awesome roomie, an incredible hall, and great professors at a great university. Sure, my year may have really just sucked. But somehow and somewhere in the future, I'll understand why this all happened. I hope I can use my story to help somebody in their life if they are struggling. My faith is strong right now, and I believe that my trials are over. I feel the love of God rushing through my body, taking away my doubt and my fears. Even though the physical pain is still here, my spirit has never been healthier! Christ is amazing, and I love Him with all my heart.
Wow, this was definitely a ramble post. But hey, it's 3:40AM.
Lesson: Let go, and let GOD.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
It's all in the attitude
I had a hard, hard week last week. We went to Temple, throughout the tests, I was shocked 70+ times, jabbed with a needle in my arms and legs, seen by four or five doctors all saying the same thing, all to come home with no answers. Can you say, "frustrating!!!"? Yeah.
Then, we come home to find my dog, Scooby, still sick. We had to end up putting him down... He was my best bud since third grade. It definitely was a hard choice, but we knew that it was the right one. I miss him a lot, and I think Allie does, too. It's weird coming home to only one dog.
Safe to say it was a sucky week.
Yesterday, we went to my pain management doctor and figured out a few things we can do to hopefully control the pain. Hopefully something will work! I feel really good about our game plan.
The lesson: It's all in the attitude. Yes, last week sucked. It really did. But after our visit with Dr Watts yesterday, my attitude about finding a solution is better!
Then, we come home to find my dog, Scooby, still sick. We had to end up putting him down... He was my best bud since third grade. It definitely was a hard choice, but we knew that it was the right one. I miss him a lot, and I think Allie does, too. It's weird coming home to only one dog.
Safe to say it was a sucky week.
Yesterday, we went to my pain management doctor and figured out a few things we can do to hopefully control the pain. Hopefully something will work! I feel really good about our game plan.
The lesson: It's all in the attitude. Yes, last week sucked. It really did. But after our visit with Dr Watts yesterday, my attitude about finding a solution is better!
Sunday, November 11, 2012
I'm not even sure what to name this post.
Well, let's see...
The tests in Temple were interesting. They shocked me over 70 times, and they stuck needles in my arms and legs. They also made me stare at a little red dot on a TV screen. All these tests looked at my nervous system and the speed of my nerve reaction. The shocks and the needles hurt really bad. I never want to go through that again! Basically, we didn't come home with any answers. We talk to the neurologist tomorrow over the phone to talk about all the test results. So let's hope for the best!
I still am in a lot of pain, and unfortunately the medicine that I was sent home with makes me very nauseous and I can't stand that. The other pain medicine just makes me have weird and sometimes frightening dreams, so I can't take that at night. So basically, I'm stuck. The ride home was horrible and finally after a lot of crying, I finally got calmed down and drugged up enough to let me sleep for the rest of the three hours.
When we got home tonight, Scooby still wasn't feeling good. Well, sadly, we ended up putting him down. It was the hardest decision we've ever made. Not really the hardest, but you understand what I'm saying. We just couldn't watch him suffer any longer. So Scoob, buddy, I hope you are having a great time in doggie heaven eating lots of peanut butter sandwiches. You'll be missed! Love you bud!
This week wasn't ideal, and it was, I'll just say it, sucky.
The Lesson: Honestly, I'm not sure... I think I just really need to trust in Him and trust in His timing. It's extremely hard. And honestly, I'm mad at God. I'm upset and angry. But I know I need to trust Him. It's just hard. But with my parents and friends by my side, I really think I can make it.
The tests in Temple were interesting. They shocked me over 70 times, and they stuck needles in my arms and legs. They also made me stare at a little red dot on a TV screen. All these tests looked at my nervous system and the speed of my nerve reaction. The shocks and the needles hurt really bad. I never want to go through that again! Basically, we didn't come home with any answers. We talk to the neurologist tomorrow over the phone to talk about all the test results. So let's hope for the best!
I still am in a lot of pain, and unfortunately the medicine that I was sent home with makes me very nauseous and I can't stand that. The other pain medicine just makes me have weird and sometimes frightening dreams, so I can't take that at night. So basically, I'm stuck. The ride home was horrible and finally after a lot of crying, I finally got calmed down and drugged up enough to let me sleep for the rest of the three hours.
When we got home tonight, Scooby still wasn't feeling good. Well, sadly, we ended up putting him down. It was the hardest decision we've ever made. Not really the hardest, but you understand what I'm saying. We just couldn't watch him suffer any longer. So Scoob, buddy, I hope you are having a great time in doggie heaven eating lots of peanut butter sandwiches. You'll be missed! Love you bud!
This week wasn't ideal, and it was, I'll just say it, sucky.
The Lesson: Honestly, I'm not sure... I think I just really need to trust in Him and trust in His timing. It's extremely hard. And honestly, I'm mad at God. I'm upset and angry. But I know I need to trust Him. It's just hard. But with my parents and friends by my side, I really think I can make it.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Where's Dr. House?
I'm not going to talk about politics in this post. The only thing I'll say about that is I learned that it brings out the worst in people. Can't we just agree to disagree? We should love one another and respect one another's opinions if we don't agree with them. Peace an' blessins, peace an' blessins.
Okay, that's all I'm saying about that.
Anyways, we are in Temple right now. I have an appointment at 8:30 tomorrow morning with the neurologist at Scott and White. We went back to the disease specialist this morning to get the blood tests back and everything looked normal and all the tests for infections came back negative. So she believes that this is a neurological problem, nothing disease related. She was very happy that we have an appointment at S&W and that we got in so quickly. I really truly believe that we are in the right spot. However, I'm completely terrified. We don't know what to expect, how long we're gonna be here, or if we'll even get answers! My biggest issue is that I'm constantly suffering with this pain throughout my entire body, and I have to push through each day and try my hardest to act like nothing is wrong because I hate being the Debbie-downer... But sometimes I can't hold it in. Sometimes I'm not strong enough to do that. I just need to stop worrying about what other people will say or think. Every day is a constant battle for me. Yes I'm only taking 9 hours, but please don't look at me and think, "Oh she has no room to complain about being tired and whatnot. She's only taking 9 hours." I'm dealing with a lot behind the scenes, a lot that people don't know about, and not just with my health. Being a neurological related issue, it constricts me from doing a lot, not only mentally (like reading, my eyes focusing, writing, or concentrating during class), but also physically (exercising, Intramurals, and even with some of the Welcome Week activities back in August). The constant pain causes me to lose sleep. I'm not exaggerating when I say it's constant. I really mean its 24/7. Sometimes it's better than others, but I've gotten so used to the pain. The past few weeks have been the worst. Not to mention how it has almost taken all of my social skills. I'm kind of awkward sometimes now. It took everything I had to stay enrolled this semester. I've missed out on so much already, and it's definitely not how I always pictured my freshman year of college going. I'm sorry that this is a somewhat depressing post. But I have a lot on my heart right now. I'm worn out, I'm scared, but I AM sure in that I know God will take care of me and has been by my side through this whole year. I'm just ready for answers, treatment, and being pain free.
The Lesson: No matter what, God has a plan for you and your situation. He will see you through to the end and keep you strong! (1 Corinthians 1:8). You just have to believe that. God sent us here for a reason and I wholeheartedly believe that.
Oh, and if they can't figure it out, we may have to visit Dr House. I feel like he could figure it out in a heart beat.
Okay, that's all I'm saying about that.
Anyways, we are in Temple right now. I have an appointment at 8:30 tomorrow morning with the neurologist at Scott and White. We went back to the disease specialist this morning to get the blood tests back and everything looked normal and all the tests for infections came back negative. So she believes that this is a neurological problem, nothing disease related. She was very happy that we have an appointment at S&W and that we got in so quickly. I really truly believe that we are in the right spot. However, I'm completely terrified. We don't know what to expect, how long we're gonna be here, or if we'll even get answers! My biggest issue is that I'm constantly suffering with this pain throughout my entire body, and I have to push through each day and try my hardest to act like nothing is wrong because I hate being the Debbie-downer... But sometimes I can't hold it in. Sometimes I'm not strong enough to do that. I just need to stop worrying about what other people will say or think. Every day is a constant battle for me. Yes I'm only taking 9 hours, but please don't look at me and think, "Oh she has no room to complain about being tired and whatnot. She's only taking 9 hours." I'm dealing with a lot behind the scenes, a lot that people don't know about, and not just with my health. Being a neurological related issue, it constricts me from doing a lot, not only mentally (like reading, my eyes focusing, writing, or concentrating during class), but also physically (exercising, Intramurals, and even with some of the Welcome Week activities back in August). The constant pain causes me to lose sleep. I'm not exaggerating when I say it's constant. I really mean its 24/7. Sometimes it's better than others, but I've gotten so used to the pain. The past few weeks have been the worst. Not to mention how it has almost taken all of my social skills. I'm kind of awkward sometimes now. It took everything I had to stay enrolled this semester. I've missed out on so much already, and it's definitely not how I always pictured my freshman year of college going. I'm sorry that this is a somewhat depressing post. But I have a lot on my heart right now. I'm worn out, I'm scared, but I AM sure in that I know God will take care of me and has been by my side through this whole year. I'm just ready for answers, treatment, and being pain free.
The Lesson: No matter what, God has a plan for you and your situation. He will see you through to the end and keep you strong! (1 Corinthians 1:8). You just have to believe that. God sent us here for a reason and I wholeheartedly believe that.
Oh, and if they can't figure it out, we may have to visit Dr House. I feel like he could figure it out in a heart beat.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
God is absolutely, incredibly, awesomely, stinkin' amazing.
So tonight I went to the Tenth Avenue North concert at Beltway and it was so amazing. I have been listening to their album the past couple weeks so I'd be familiar with the songs before the concert, but I don't think I truly listened to the words of the songs before tonight. I felt like God was speaking to me through every sentence, every note. The lead singer told a story about how when he was a teenager he was in a car accident and broke his back. He said it was the hardest time of his life and he never thought he would be where he is right now. But through that suffering he became the person he is today. That story just made me think about my situation, and I felt like he was speaking straight to me. One song that really spoke to me was a song called Worn.
Worn
I'm tired
I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn
I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn
And my prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn even before the day begins
I'm worn I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn so heaven come and flood my eyes
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Yes all that's dead inside will be reborn
Though I'm worn
Yeah I'm worn
The Lesson: It pretty much describes how I'm feeling and have been feeling the past year. But you know what? God's there and He can mend my heart and give me the strength to keep going. After hearing tonight's concert, I actually have peace in my heart. Seriously. I've said that before, but I've never truly felt it so much as I do tonight. This concert couldn't have come at a better time. I mean, it's called "The Struggle." It was perfect timing. It was just amazing. I'm speechless and in awe of God's amazing power and love! I learned that God has a reason for everything, and I really think that he put me at that concert for a reason. I'm finally at peace with everything, and I feel like a huge rock has been lifted off my shoulders.
Worn
I'm tired
I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn
I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn
And my prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn even before the day begins
I'm worn I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn so heaven come and flood my eyes
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Yes all that's dead inside will be reborn
Though I'm worn
Yeah I'm worn
The Lesson: It pretty much describes how I'm feeling and have been feeling the past year. But you know what? God's there and He can mend my heart and give me the strength to keep going. After hearing tonight's concert, I actually have peace in my heart. Seriously. I've said that before, but I've never truly felt it so much as I do tonight. This concert couldn't have come at a better time. I mean, it's called "The Struggle." It was perfect timing. It was just amazing. I'm speechless and in awe of God's amazing power and love! I learned that God has a reason for everything, and I really think that he put me at that concert for a reason. I'm finally at peace with everything, and I feel like a huge rock has been lifted off my shoulders.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Be thankful in all circumstances
Well, it's November! A time to be thankful. Really, we should always be thankful. But I think November is just a time to express it more and focus solely on thanking God for what we have.
Anyway, yesterday I was reminded how thankful I am to have had the opportunity to go to a Christian high school. Specifically, Abilene Christian High School. Yesterday was their homecoming and the big unveiling of the new gym. It felt weird to not be participating in anything, but the gym looks great and everybody did amazing! I am just so thankful that I was able to go to ACS and be a part of that community. I had so many people come up and ask how I've been, how I'm feeling, and what's been going on. It reminded me how blessed I am to know such amazing people and how great the faculty and staff at ACS are. Regardless of what's going on in my life, I know that they will always be there to ask how I'm doing and want to stay updated on my life.
So, the lesson: thank you, God, for blessing me with the chance to have some amazing teachers and friends at ACS. Thank you for giving me the chance to go there and grow in my relationships. I can't even begin to name everyone who has blessed my life there!
Anyway, yesterday I was reminded how thankful I am to have had the opportunity to go to a Christian high school. Specifically, Abilene Christian High School. Yesterday was their homecoming and the big unveiling of the new gym. It felt weird to not be participating in anything, but the gym looks great and everybody did amazing! I am just so thankful that I was able to go to ACS and be a part of that community. I had so many people come up and ask how I've been, how I'm feeling, and what's been going on. It reminded me how blessed I am to know such amazing people and how great the faculty and staff at ACS are. Regardless of what's going on in my life, I know that they will always be there to ask how I'm doing and want to stay updated on my life.
So, the lesson: thank you, God, for blessing me with the chance to have some amazing teachers and friends at ACS. Thank you for giving me the chance to go there and grow in my relationships. I can't even begin to name everyone who has blessed my life there!
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Not making any Limeade, sorry!
Um, so, change of plans. We went to the infectious disease doctor today and found out that the test they did for Lyme Disease came back false positive. So I don't have Lyme Disease. I do have SOME sort of infection, it's just not Lyme. So they took some blood (TEN vials of it) and they are going to run tests that they haven't run yet and see what comes back next week. Regardless of what the tests come back, I think we are going to go to Scott and White in Temple and stay there for 4-5 days to just run test after test so they can really figure out what's going on, and do it in all at one time.
We are all just really frustrated and tired and annoyed more than anything. It's not that we moved backwards, but we didn't move as forward as we were thinking we were going to. Just pray that the blood tests come back and that we are able to get into S&W and just get this all over with!
The lesson: don't pray for patience.
We are all just really frustrated and tired and annoyed more than anything. It's not that we moved backwards, but we didn't move as forward as we were thinking we were going to. Just pray that the blood tests come back and that we are able to get into S&W and just get this all over with!
The lesson: don't pray for patience.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
I am so beyond blessed.
I have the best family, friends, school, teachers, doctor, and God possible. Random phone calls, text messages, Facebook posts, emails, and blessings have kept me going the past couple weeks. I miss seeing my friends every day, and I cannot wait to see everybody when I get back to the dorm! My teachers have been beyond understanding and patient with me, and I couldn't have gotten into better classes! I'm so happy I'm able to stay in school this semester, even though I had to drop two of my classes. Hopefully I'll start treatment soon, and be able to live a normal life again.
So what have I learned and keep learning every day?
The lesson: I am blessed. VERY blessed.
So what have I learned and keep learning every day?
The lesson: I am blessed. VERY blessed.
Friday, October 26, 2012
"When God gives you Lyme, make Limeade!"
Well, I would just LOVE to punch some doctors in the face.
To my first doctor who told me, "You're just a lazy teenager and you need to take care of yourself better. There's nothing wrong with you other than that."
To the neurologist who told me, "There's no way you have Lyme Disease. These two lesions are completely normal and most people get one every decade. We don't even have Lyme Disease in this area. Have you thought about it being migraines? [No DUH]. You have a lot of the same symptoms. I believe you just have migraines."
I TOLD YOU SO.
It's so weird to be happy about something like this, but to finally have an answer is a blessing from God! We've known all along that there has been something there, and we've tried everything but just never found an answer. We thought it was Occipital Neuralgia, and I was treated for it for a long time. We tested for Lyme back in April when I had my spinal tap but it came back negative. When you test for Lyme, it takes a couple tests before it can come back positive. It will come back positive if you test over 1.1, and I was 2.2. Thankfully this disease is something that is curable and treatable. I'll begin treatment hopefully tomorrow and it'll be a 14-28 day infusion treatment and I'll have to have a pick-line put in (which is not what I'm too excited about but hey it's okay if it makes me feel better!).
The lesson: God will keep you strong to the end. We have almost reached the end, and I am just so thankful for answers. I'm just still in disbelief that this is what has caused my suffering this whole year. After so many horrible doctors visits, misdiagnoses, hospital stays, ER visits, shots, MRIs, a spinal tap, CT Scan, and times at home, I thought we would never figure it out!
I'm just so happy for answers.. PRAISE GOD :)
Oh, to explain the title, it's what my granddad told my mom whenever she told him that I had Lyme Disease. Haha!
To my first doctor who told me, "You're just a lazy teenager and you need to take care of yourself better. There's nothing wrong with you other than that."
To the neurologist who told me, "There's no way you have Lyme Disease. These two lesions are completely normal and most people get one every decade. We don't even have Lyme Disease in this area. Have you thought about it being migraines? [No DUH]. You have a lot of the same symptoms. I believe you just have migraines."
I TOLD YOU SO.
It's so weird to be happy about something like this, but to finally have an answer is a blessing from God! We've known all along that there has been something there, and we've tried everything but just never found an answer. We thought it was Occipital Neuralgia, and I was treated for it for a long time. We tested for Lyme back in April when I had my spinal tap but it came back negative. When you test for Lyme, it takes a couple tests before it can come back positive. It will come back positive if you test over 1.1, and I was 2.2. Thankfully this disease is something that is curable and treatable. I'll begin treatment hopefully tomorrow and it'll be a 14-28 day infusion treatment and I'll have to have a pick-line put in (which is not what I'm too excited about but hey it's okay if it makes me feel better!).
The lesson: God will keep you strong to the end. We have almost reached the end, and I am just so thankful for answers. I'm just still in disbelief that this is what has caused my suffering this whole year. After so many horrible doctors visits, misdiagnoses, hospital stays, ER visits, shots, MRIs, a spinal tap, CT Scan, and times at home, I thought we would never figure it out!
I'm just so happy for answers.. PRAISE GOD :)
Oh, to explain the title, it's what my granddad told my mom whenever she told him that I had Lyme Disease. Haha!
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Sometimes life just doesn't make sense...
I'm just about ready to give up on doctors.
Not really. But seriously.
As you know, I had my neurologist appointment this morning with a new neurologist. We were hoping for some answers, possibly results. We weren't expecting much, but we were hoping for at least something. Let's just say we didn't get anything. We got nothing. Nothing but more confusion and disappointment. He was not what we expected.
So, we have decided we must move on from Abilene and the doctors here. Dr. Watts has been incredible and he's taken great care of me the past couple months. He believes we need to go to somewhere in Dallas or Lubbock, to a hospital where we can run test after test to find the answers we've been so desperately searching for since January.
Romans 12:12, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
James 1:2-3. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."
The lesson: I may not know why this is all happening, and why nothing is going my way right now, but I'll know some day. And some day I'll be able to share my story with somebody and help them through a tough situation similar to mine. All I ask is for you to pray that we find answers. I ask that the right doctor will come in our path and we will be able to diagnose the problem and I can move on with my life. I'm ready to live again, and I'm ready to have fun and be a crazy college kid without making myself miserable in the process.
Not really. But seriously.
As you know, I had my neurologist appointment this morning with a new neurologist. We were hoping for some answers, possibly results. We weren't expecting much, but we were hoping for at least something. Let's just say we didn't get anything. We got nothing. Nothing but more confusion and disappointment. He was not what we expected.
So, we have decided we must move on from Abilene and the doctors here. Dr. Watts has been incredible and he's taken great care of me the past couple months. He believes we need to go to somewhere in Dallas or Lubbock, to a hospital where we can run test after test to find the answers we've been so desperately searching for since January.
Romans 12:12, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
James 1:2-3. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."
The lesson: I may not know why this is all happening, and why nothing is going my way right now, but I'll know some day. And some day I'll be able to share my story with somebody and help them through a tough situation similar to mine. All I ask is for you to pray that we find answers. I ask that the right doctor will come in our path and we will be able to diagnose the problem and I can move on with my life. I'm ready to live again, and I'm ready to have fun and be a crazy college kid without making myself miserable in the process.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
I'm not good at doing things on time...
So, it's the middle of October and I'm just now starting this blog. Some may say it's too late. I say it's never too late.
I have been writing and rewriting this blog post a million times. Maybe not a million, but definitely more than just a few. I just don't know how to describe this past year. I hope this all makes sense, I took some major pain medicine earlier this morning and I just hope I don't sound crazy. Anyways, I've lost so much, and I regret so much. But I can't change the past, I can only hope for the best for the future.
I just want to share my story.
Senior year started out great. I had great friends and I was healthy. I went running every night and it kept me in a great mood. I was making great grades and I was involved in the production of Into the Woods that our theatre department put on. I sang for choir, One Voice, All-Region, and figured out that I definitely did not want to be an elementary education major after writing my research paper. I went to every football game and supported my boys and even watched them win STATE. I was student body president and I had the best student council EVER. I was in yearbook and got to practice my Graphic Design! I was nominated for homecoming queen and dressed up as Waldo for Halloween. Celebrated Christmas with the family, and had a great New Year's!
I really did think that 2012 was going to be the end of the world. Not really, but it sure felt like it. I just got really sick all of the sudden. They diagnosed me with Occipital Neuralgia, which is nerve damage. After that, everything seemed to be falling apart. I couldn't exercise anymore, my grades dropped because I missed so much school (I made my FIRST C ever...). Even though I got the solo I wanted in One Voice, I was so sick and tired, my voice was lost and I ruined the song. I couldn't do it. All I wanted to do was prove that I could do it, but I embarrassed myself and did not think I would be able to do it for the concert. I felt like such a failure. My situation even affected my relationships with my friends and those around me. I felt distant from them, and I felt like there was nothing I could do about it. I didn't understand why I was being pushed away, and why I was pushing them away. My whole life changed and I felt so alone.
Then, on one of the many nights that I couldn't sleep, I was looking at my Bible app on my phone and saw the verse of the day. It said, "He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 1:8." That verse has stuck with me every day since. It was the cliche "light bulb moment". Did any of this really matter? Yes, grades matter, but does being in Top 5? Yes, extracurriculars matter, but does having that awesome solo? Yes, those friendships do matter, but your real friends will be there no matter what, and that is what you need to focus on. To remind myself of this, I got '1 Corinthians 1:8' tattooed on my left wrist. That way, every time I see it, I know that God will keep me strong till the end.
I thought that graduating was the end of my suffering. I graduated number four in my class and I was able to introduce the awesome speakers at graduation: my parents. I even made the senior video with the help of the beautiful Beth Cummings! My design for the yearbook cover was even chosen! My broken friendships were somewhat repaired, and the senior trip was so relaxing. The senior prank was so much fun (sticky-noting the locker room), and I never thought I would spend the night up at the school, sitting outside listening to Clint and Reilly play guitar, or go to McDonalds at 4 in the morning. It was great, and I was happy.
Summer came, and I got the chance to teach a class at Encounter with my dad (Encounter is a summer camp at Lubbock Christian University, kind of like Kadesh at ACU). The class was called Total Blackout. If you haven't seen the TV show, basically it tests you to overcome your fears. We did three classes a day, and in each one, three people were selected to be blindfolded and led into the dark room, where they are led to a table with three buckets. They must figure out what it is in the buckets using only their sense of smell, touch, and taste. It was disgusting, I will admit. But the point of the class was that God will show you the light in the darkest of times and will lead you out of that darkness that you are struggling to get out of. I told my story of my greatest fear: the fear of the unknown. I can't stand not knowing things. I'm a very detailed oriented person and I like to know where things will be taking place, who will be there, what time it will be, what we will be doing, and how it'll all be happening. I like to know what my assignments are, when they are due, what we will be studying, and what to expect during the semester. I like to know why somebody is mad at me, or what's wrong with somebody, or even just what's wrong with myself. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to finish that week. Because of my head and body, I had to go home. Once again, my health got in the way of something I had been looking forward to for months.
The rest of my summer was spent doing almost nothing but working. I wasn't able to go on Trek for the second year in a row. I couldn't help with VIP Camp. I couldn't go on the mission trip. BUT (yes, there is a but), I was able to see one of my best friends, my older sister, Megan Cheri Parker, marry the love of her life, Matthew Greenwood. I was so honored to be a part of her wedding and I told myself I would stop at nothing to make sure I was there to help make her special day perfect. And it was. I was so happy for her and it was definitely the best event of my summer!
Then college arrived.
August 13th, 2012, I had brain surgery. Okay it technically wasn't brain surgery, but they did go in and kill one of my nerves (crazy, right?). The next week, I moved into the dorm at ACU (GARDNER!). It was a difficult week, trying to pack everything and recover at the same time. But I did it! Unfortunately, I wasn't able to do everything during Welcome Week, but my group made it fun and easy to get through. I didn't feel alone. I was blessed to have great peer leaders and a great group. But you know who made it the best? My wonderful roommate, Hayley Griffin. I met Hayley the summer before 8th grade at MPulse. We were in the same group. We instantly became friends, and me, her, and Cassie wrote letters to each other throughout the next summer. Hayley and I found each other on Facebook and one day just decided to be roommates. Best decision I ever made. We are like the same person! I'm so blessed to have her as a roommate and best friend! And of course I'm so happy to be at the same school again as my absolute best friends that I've known forever from elementary school, middle school, high school, and church. I'm not even going to try to name them all, because it would take too long. Did I mention the incredible girls on my amazing hall? (G3E! G3E!)
With everything coming together and going great, what could possibly go wrong?
I ask myself that question, and I got the answer.
Last week, I started feeling...funny. Something just didn't feel right. A couple times, I started exercising again. You know, doing yoga, walking on the treadmill, doing the bike, easy stuff like that. I just thought that my body was sore from exercising for the first time in awhile. I was wrong.
Thursday night, I went home to eat dinner with my parents. I told them about how I was feeling, and it all just sort of came out. I had held in my pain for too long and finally it just exploded. We called my doctor and he gave us something to calm me down. My whole body was in pain. The nerve pain that has been in my head since January was now spreading to my arms, my legs, my back, my hands, my feet, every part of my body was in pain. My doctor decided on Friday night to go ahead and admit me to the hospital because it was the easiest and quickest way to figure out what was going on inside my body. They ran so many tests while I was there; 2 MRIs, a CT scan, blood work, etc. Of course, again, they are baffled. What is going on? What is causing my pain? Now they aren't even sure if it is Occipital Neuralgia anymore. So what could it be? What caused the lesion on my brain? Why is my whole body in so much pain right now? Why can't I find any relief? WHAT IS GOING ON?!
I'm at home now, trying to figure out how to finish out this semester. Should I withdraw? Should I just drop a few classes? How am I supposed to make up some of the work if my professors don't respond? There are a lot of decisions I have to make that could affect my education that could possibly put me behind in my degree plan. Oh, and I'm getting behind on chapel credits (Luckily I have 44, but still. I hate missing chapel! Especially praise days). I think the best solution for me is just to switch to part-time student.
We think we may have an answer. It's weird to pray that what I have is a disease, but it's a curable one and I'm okay with that. We believe I may have what is called Lyme Disease. Lyme Disease is caused by a tick bite and can cause a variety of symptoms, such as stiff neck, muscle pain, light-headedness, and a general ill-feeling. If not treated, other symptoms may occur such as paralysis or weakness in the muscles of the face, and muscle pain and pain or swelling in the knees and other large joints. Since I had most of these symptoms, that is why they tested me for Meningitis with a spinal tap back in February, but it came back negative. Seeing as it's been 9 or so months since I could have been bitten by the tick, I would be in Stage 3 of Lyme Disease. If not treated for this long, it can cause long-term complications such as: decreased concentration, memory disorders, nerve damage, numbness, pain, paralysis of the face muscles, sleep disorders, vision problems and unexplained brain lesions. (My neurologist still can't explain where the brain lesion came from. Since she's gone, we still have no idea). What's scary is I have had every single one of those complications at some point this year, and still do. We don't know for sure if this is what I have, but I have an appointment with a neurologist tomorrow morning at 9:00. We aren't sure when the blood tests will come back for Lyme Disease, but we are praying that it comes back soon and that this is what it is. It's curable, and treatable.
This is my story in a nutshell. I pray to God that we can find answers and find some sort of relief. Thank you for reading my story, and joining me in my interesting and roller coaster ride of a journey. Some day I will be able to look back on this year and help somebody through a situation like mine.
The lesson: Life is hard. Life is difficult. Things don't always go the way you want them to. It's not always fair. But God is always good, and He will keep you strong till the end.
I have been writing and rewriting this blog post a million times. Maybe not a million, but definitely more than just a few. I just don't know how to describe this past year. I hope this all makes sense, I took some major pain medicine earlier this morning and I just hope I don't sound crazy. Anyways, I've lost so much, and I regret so much. But I can't change the past, I can only hope for the best for the future.
I just want to share my story.
Senior year started out great. I had great friends and I was healthy. I went running every night and it kept me in a great mood. I was making great grades and I was involved in the production of Into the Woods that our theatre department put on. I sang for choir, One Voice, All-Region, and figured out that I definitely did not want to be an elementary education major after writing my research paper. I went to every football game and supported my boys and even watched them win STATE. I was student body president and I had the best student council EVER. I was in yearbook and got to practice my Graphic Design! I was nominated for homecoming queen and dressed up as Waldo for Halloween. Celebrated Christmas with the family, and had a great New Year's!
I really did think that 2012 was going to be the end of the world. Not really, but it sure felt like it. I just got really sick all of the sudden. They diagnosed me with Occipital Neuralgia, which is nerve damage. After that, everything seemed to be falling apart. I couldn't exercise anymore, my grades dropped because I missed so much school (I made my FIRST C ever...). Even though I got the solo I wanted in One Voice, I was so sick and tired, my voice was lost and I ruined the song. I couldn't do it. All I wanted to do was prove that I could do it, but I embarrassed myself and did not think I would be able to do it for the concert. I felt like such a failure. My situation even affected my relationships with my friends and those around me. I felt distant from them, and I felt like there was nothing I could do about it. I didn't understand why I was being pushed away, and why I was pushing them away. My whole life changed and I felt so alone.
Then, on one of the many nights that I couldn't sleep, I was looking at my Bible app on my phone and saw the verse of the day. It said, "He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 1:8." That verse has stuck with me every day since. It was the cliche "light bulb moment". Did any of this really matter? Yes, grades matter, but does being in Top 5? Yes, extracurriculars matter, but does having that awesome solo? Yes, those friendships do matter, but your real friends will be there no matter what, and that is what you need to focus on. To remind myself of this, I got '1 Corinthians 1:8' tattooed on my left wrist. That way, every time I see it, I know that God will keep me strong till the end.
I thought that graduating was the end of my suffering. I graduated number four in my class and I was able to introduce the awesome speakers at graduation: my parents. I even made the senior video with the help of the beautiful Beth Cummings! My design for the yearbook cover was even chosen! My broken friendships were somewhat repaired, and the senior trip was so relaxing. The senior prank was so much fun (sticky-noting the locker room), and I never thought I would spend the night up at the school, sitting outside listening to Clint and Reilly play guitar, or go to McDonalds at 4 in the morning. It was great, and I was happy.
Summer came, and I got the chance to teach a class at Encounter with my dad (Encounter is a summer camp at Lubbock Christian University, kind of like Kadesh at ACU). The class was called Total Blackout. If you haven't seen the TV show, basically it tests you to overcome your fears. We did three classes a day, and in each one, three people were selected to be blindfolded and led into the dark room, where they are led to a table with three buckets. They must figure out what it is in the buckets using only their sense of smell, touch, and taste. It was disgusting, I will admit. But the point of the class was that God will show you the light in the darkest of times and will lead you out of that darkness that you are struggling to get out of. I told my story of my greatest fear: the fear of the unknown. I can't stand not knowing things. I'm a very detailed oriented person and I like to know where things will be taking place, who will be there, what time it will be, what we will be doing, and how it'll all be happening. I like to know what my assignments are, when they are due, what we will be studying, and what to expect during the semester. I like to know why somebody is mad at me, or what's wrong with somebody, or even just what's wrong with myself. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to finish that week. Because of my head and body, I had to go home. Once again, my health got in the way of something I had been looking forward to for months.
The rest of my summer was spent doing almost nothing but working. I wasn't able to go on Trek for the second year in a row. I couldn't help with VIP Camp. I couldn't go on the mission trip. BUT (yes, there is a but), I was able to see one of my best friends, my older sister, Megan Cheri Parker, marry the love of her life, Matthew Greenwood. I was so honored to be a part of her wedding and I told myself I would stop at nothing to make sure I was there to help make her special day perfect. And it was. I was so happy for her and it was definitely the best event of my summer!
Then college arrived.
August 13th, 2012, I had brain surgery. Okay it technically wasn't brain surgery, but they did go in and kill one of my nerves (crazy, right?). The next week, I moved into the dorm at ACU (GARDNER!). It was a difficult week, trying to pack everything and recover at the same time. But I did it! Unfortunately, I wasn't able to do everything during Welcome Week, but my group made it fun and easy to get through. I didn't feel alone. I was blessed to have great peer leaders and a great group. But you know who made it the best? My wonderful roommate, Hayley Griffin. I met Hayley the summer before 8th grade at MPulse. We were in the same group. We instantly became friends, and me, her, and Cassie wrote letters to each other throughout the next summer. Hayley and I found each other on Facebook and one day just decided to be roommates. Best decision I ever made. We are like the same person! I'm so blessed to have her as a roommate and best friend! And of course I'm so happy to be at the same school again as my absolute best friends that I've known forever from elementary school, middle school, high school, and church. I'm not even going to try to name them all, because it would take too long. Did I mention the incredible girls on my amazing hall? (G3E! G3E!)
With everything coming together and going great, what could possibly go wrong?
I ask myself that question, and I got the answer.
Last week, I started feeling...funny. Something just didn't feel right. A couple times, I started exercising again. You know, doing yoga, walking on the treadmill, doing the bike, easy stuff like that. I just thought that my body was sore from exercising for the first time in awhile. I was wrong.
Thursday night, I went home to eat dinner with my parents. I told them about how I was feeling, and it all just sort of came out. I had held in my pain for too long and finally it just exploded. We called my doctor and he gave us something to calm me down. My whole body was in pain. The nerve pain that has been in my head since January was now spreading to my arms, my legs, my back, my hands, my feet, every part of my body was in pain. My doctor decided on Friday night to go ahead and admit me to the hospital because it was the easiest and quickest way to figure out what was going on inside my body. They ran so many tests while I was there; 2 MRIs, a CT scan, blood work, etc. Of course, again, they are baffled. What is going on? What is causing my pain? Now they aren't even sure if it is Occipital Neuralgia anymore. So what could it be? What caused the lesion on my brain? Why is my whole body in so much pain right now? Why can't I find any relief? WHAT IS GOING ON?!
I'm at home now, trying to figure out how to finish out this semester. Should I withdraw? Should I just drop a few classes? How am I supposed to make up some of the work if my professors don't respond? There are a lot of decisions I have to make that could affect my education that could possibly put me behind in my degree plan. Oh, and I'm getting behind on chapel credits (Luckily I have 44, but still. I hate missing chapel! Especially praise days). I think the best solution for me is just to switch to part-time student.
We think we may have an answer. It's weird to pray that what I have is a disease, but it's a curable one and I'm okay with that. We believe I may have what is called Lyme Disease. Lyme Disease is caused by a tick bite and can cause a variety of symptoms, such as stiff neck, muscle pain, light-headedness, and a general ill-feeling. If not treated, other symptoms may occur such as paralysis or weakness in the muscles of the face, and muscle pain and pain or swelling in the knees and other large joints. Since I had most of these symptoms, that is why they tested me for Meningitis with a spinal tap back in February, but it came back negative. Seeing as it's been 9 or so months since I could have been bitten by the tick, I would be in Stage 3 of Lyme Disease. If not treated for this long, it can cause long-term complications such as: decreased concentration, memory disorders, nerve damage, numbness, pain, paralysis of the face muscles, sleep disorders, vision problems and unexplained brain lesions. (My neurologist still can't explain where the brain lesion came from. Since she's gone, we still have no idea). What's scary is I have had every single one of those complications at some point this year, and still do. We don't know for sure if this is what I have, but I have an appointment with a neurologist tomorrow morning at 9:00. We aren't sure when the blood tests will come back for Lyme Disease, but we are praying that it comes back soon and that this is what it is. It's curable, and treatable.
This is my story in a nutshell. I pray to God that we can find answers and find some sort of relief. Thank you for reading my story, and joining me in my interesting and roller coaster ride of a journey. Some day I will be able to look back on this year and help somebody through a situation like mine.
The lesson: Life is hard. Life is difficult. Things don't always go the way you want them to. It's not always fair. But God is always good, and He will keep you strong till the end.
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